Rawen's Musings

I may be giving furs quite a bit of scorn but there’s definitely something amazing the fandom got me. It connected me to autistic people. And let me tell, while some can make your brain twist in unusual ways, often times poking corners of curiosity you’d never touch, they count among the absolute best people I’ve ever met. No coincidence that my dear SO is autistic and so is my best friend-sibling. Because thanks to them, I’ve grown up in ways I never thought I can. Thanks to them, I realised I’m not made of stone. Thanks to them, I matured.

And yet there are still myths and at best half-truths circulating among people, making autists look weird, “lesser” etc. And I’m about to say “Fuck this shit. Let’s tear these down.” Yes, I’m about to go through twelve myths about autism (prompted by a Mastodon post I stumbled upon), how I feel them and why they’re imo myths.

Disclaimer; I’m no psychologist and all I’m saying here is merely based on my experiences and observations

#1 Autistic people don’t feel much empathy towards others

From my experience, categorically wrong. Yes, autistic people may sometimes feel like they lack feelings. It could be because they’re not sure how to process emotions or just because they process them diferently; less intensly, respond with a different emotion etc. But it’s completely wrong to assume that they don’t feel empathy. Personal experience; my recent depressive episode? Guess who was around to save me … that’s right, my dearest sweetest SO. They were around, at least remotely, creating a safe corner in my mind I could curl into. They offered from their already limited pool of empathy and gave it so I can slowly get up and begin recovery. I felt safe, I felt understood and they felt weirdly happy because they’re someone’s world.

Later when I shared this experience with my friend-sibling, who struggle massively, they felt understood and reinvigorated. That bit of empathy my SO gave me, I could pass onto someone else who’s also coincidentally autistic. So there you go. Autists feel empathy like everyone else and they have surprising amounts of it to give. It just takes the right key to unlock the chest for them.

#2 Any co-occuring disabilities are down to the person being autistic

Autism doesn’t cause any maladies or issues on its own. It isn’t even a something wrong in the first place. It can contribute to how the autist experiences the “co-morbidities” (erf, that’s a horrible word) but it’s never the root cause of them. This myth not only falls into the “correlation-causation” fault but also paints autism as something that can be cured. No, autism is not a disease and trying to cure it is like trying to cure a need to eat. So, if someone has other disabilities, it’s not because they’re autistic. The autism mostly contributes to the difficulties handling the other disabilities.

#3 Autistic traits can be therapised away

No, no, NO! As mentioned in the previous section, autism is NOT something to be cured or therapised away. Same goes for traits, whatever they are. Again, just like you don’t try and cure someone from having to eat, you don’t cure someone from autistic traits. That said, there is a room for therapeutic approaches in regards to traits and it’s to try and provide tools and methods on how to handle some traits that could be limiting. They won’t make the traits disappear but there are approaches (someone far more educated in the field could confirm that) that can help managing traits for the autistic person to live their life a bit more comfortably. So, in the end, don’t try to “cure” autistic traits. Help autists how to accept and live with them to the best of their abilities.

#4 Any hypersensitivity can be dealt with using exposure

Ehhh … no. While exposure therapy is a valid approach in tackling anxiety-inducing events, keep in mind you’re dealing with an autist. Hell, exposure therapy may not even work on a typical person and causing more harm than good. And with an autist, whose brain is already overstimulated, pouring more fuel into the fire will very likely make it even worse. If you really want to tackle hypersensitivites, have an outlet or an “escape room” for the hypersensitive. Provide tools and spaces for the hypersensitive people to manage the environment better or have a place to “decompress” so they can recharge before coming “back into the fray”. This way you’re inclusive for the people who need it and provide perks to those who don’t necessarily need it but can find it useful from time to time. So, don’t overexpose. Balance exposure with calm instead.

#5 Autistic people prefer to be referred to as “people with autism”

Some months ago I read a book called “Autism Unmasked” by Devon Price. In the book, they get into this topic quite a bit and very much state the opposite. That they’d rather be called “autistic” instead of walking on egg shells around them. I’ve also noticed posts on socials trying to advocate for the same. And if you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. Calling someone “person with autism” detracts from the condition and again paints the autism as something that can be cured. Referring to autists directly not only validates them but also pretty much says “Yeah, I’m autistic. It’s part of who I am.” So yeah, don’t afraid to call an autist “an autist”. It’s not offensive, it’s just properly naming who they are. Walking on egg shells only minimises their condition.

#6 Calling autists “disabled” is offensive to them

This may sound weird and I’d even slightly push back on this because it depends on context of the disability but then I’d also be introducing some form of “how autistic do you have to be to qualify as disabled” which is bad in itself. So, let’s think about why calling an autist disabled isn’t offensive and how stating the opposite contradicts our typical way of thinking.

In the neuro-typical undertanding, if someone cannot perform to the expected abilities due to, say, physical injury we call them disabled, right? Now, if someone has a psychological disability, even one that can be treated so it’s more manageable, why not call them disabled? It limits their capabilities just as a seriously injured arm would. The only difference is that their condition isn’t visible, possibly because of masking. And often times the visible traits wouldn’t make people think about autism and just be seen as oddities. But at the same time you can’t treat autists in a neuro-typical way because you know they’re processing the world in a different way. So, in our neuro-typical understanding, they’re disabled. But we treat them as if they weren’t because we don’t understand them enough or we’re worried about offending them. But that exact worry is in turn more offensive because it erases the autist’s struggle.

So no, calling an autist “disabled” isn’t offensive, it’s actually acknowledging their traits and their struggle in the neuro-typical world.

#7 Autists don’t notice being excluded/ridiculed/bullied

Whoo boy, this one hits really close to home and I can’t even begin thinking about how to untangle this bullshit. Like, just reading this makes my blood boil because let me tell you: Autists DO notice all of these and often times experience these MUCH MORE STRONGLY than neuro-typicals. And it’s utterly infurating to see the so called “inclusive and diverse” communities rear their ugly heads when they actually have to uphold these values and throw the people they’re supposedly protecting under the bus (got first-hand experience with that).

Anyway, pardon my small rant. What we have to keep in mind is that autist process events differently, sometime in unexpeted ways. Just because they seem that they don’t notice these things happening doesn’t mean they don’t affect them. And once that effect starts bubbling to the surface … you might be terrified of what genie you’ve released. So, don’t be mean to autists because it may backfire much harder than you’d expect.

#8 Being tough on autistic kids equals to providing structure

Sigh, this mindset is bullshit even in the context of neuro-typical kids. So why in the ever-living fuck would you think it’s going to work on autists? Being tough on kids in general is an idiotic concept and trying to sell it as discipline only shows that you’re a shit leader and can’t provide any examples. Because by “being tough” the most likely results of your work will be either a) a dangerous psychopath or b) an anxious nervous wreck of a person afraid of their own shadow. And that’s for a typical kid. Now apply this to an autist and guess what. You get that, possibly ten times worse.

Your main job as a parent or teacher is to provide boundaries and lead the kids towards responsible behaviour. But you don’t build up responsibility by being tough. You provide it by letting the kids explore their surroundings and behaviours and explaining to them why they’re beneficial or harmful. Sure, sometimes you might have to raise your voice but that doesn’t mean you have to make that a norm. Stricter approach should just be another tool in the box and absolutely not the default one. With autistic kids, you approach has to adapt to their specific needs which can be vastly different on individual basis. Is it hard work? Yes, it is, just like parenting in general. No kid is the same so don’t try and treat them the same way. This applies far more for autists.

#9 Autism is mostly a thing in young, white males

Excuse me for a moment, I need to douse my hands in acid to rid them of the filth I just had to type out. Because this view of autism is disgustingly ageist, racist, sexist, mysoginistic, … did I leave something out? Again, pointing at the “Autism Unmasked”, Devon dives into the topic more deeply. What also fuels this view is that one of the well-known ASDs, the Asperger’s, is named after Hans Asperger who was one hell of a nasty person.

Now, let’s dissect this drivel. Young? I wouldn’t call a person deep in their 30s young. White?! I can’t even begin to say something about this because just the idea of excluding POC is so dehumanising to them that I want to run head first into a wall. Males? Wow, thanks for making my friend-sibling (AFAB) half of their life a living hell because, and I quote their kid psychologist: “You can’t be autistic because you’re a girl.” Well, guess what, not only are they autistic but have a myriad of other issues that you refused to even acknowledge because of their gender.

Do I sound pissed enough? Good, because I am. This idiotic understanding has caused so much harm to people and will be a titanic effort to undo. So, my dear reader, get to work if you can and show at least basic compassion to autistic folks around. A small step becomes a mile quicker than you may think.

#10 You can’t be autistic without a diagnosis

Sure, just like you can’t have flu without diagnosis. Or cancer without diagnosis. Saying this is a complete lack of understanding or twisting the meaning of the word “diagnosis”. Diagnosis means that you have an offcial confirmation of something you already have or experience. Diagnosis is not an assignment of XYZ trait. That’d be like trying to give you a glass of water that you’re already holding in your hand and drinking it. So no, you can very much be autistic even without a diagnosis. You just can’t say it with certainty because it’s not confirmed by someone who knows how to establish it properly. So if you have a suspicion that you might be autistic or have some other psychological dignaosis, I urge you to get it when possible. If anything, it’ll provide you with an explanation why some stuff feels weird to you and open up paths to better life. I’d avoid self-diagnosing because it may cause more harm than good.

#11 Autists are often spooky geniuses

Spooky? I understand that some of their traits may weird you out but spooky? Believe me, I’ve never felt unsafe around autistic people. Maybe a little uncomfortable because I didn’t know what to do and how to act but not afraid. The only moments that would make me fear an autistic person would be the same moments that would scare me in a typical person as well (i. e. I don’t like loud rage because of bad past experiences).

Geniuses? Be honest, would you call Elon Musk genius (he’s in fact autistic)? I can also provide an example with both my SO and my friend-sibling. My SO is pretty much just like everyone else when it comes to smarts. Good at things they like and are interested in, less so in others. As for my friend, they’re a knowledgable person but at the same time absolutely terrible with numbers. So, where’s the genius? They’re just like everyone else. They have their stregths and weaknesses. It’s mainly how they approach and process these what makes them stand-out.

#12 One day, autism will be curable

And we’re back in eugenics. So let me reiterate. Autism is not a disease. It’s not something that needs to be cured. The only way to “cure” autism would be to replace the brain of an autist. But then they’re not the same person anymore. So, you didn’t cure them, you replaced them. That’s right, you “threw” that person away. In essence, you just killed a person to cure them. So, I ask you: Would you kill a person because they have flu? Think about it.

Phew, that was a long one. I hope I’m giving some good food for thought. If you feel called out by this a little bit, you might want to think about your behaviours. If you identify with it, awesome, I’m happy you feel heard and seen. And yes, the “rainbow moebius road” has some nice views, so let’s join the ride.

References

1. Twelve still-popular myths about autism

2. Autism Unmasked by Devon price

3. My personal experiences