Rawen's Musings

In my intro post I’ve not so subtly hinted at the furry side of mine. And while I said that I’m not 100% affiliated with the fandom I’m still with the idea of having a fuzzy character I can represent myself with. And because I’m, let’s say, complicated there’s more than one character that you might link to me. And I’m here to show you all of them.

Rawen, the serious, the mentor, the big brother

My main character and pretty “Me”, just with a wolf muzzle, black fur, silvery face, dangerously charming blue eyes and a fluffy white chest/collar you can rest your head on (if I allow you to). I’ve created this image of me to manly establish myself in the online world. The name “Rawen” comes from a really really old nickname that just stayed with me so using it was natural. Why wolf? For some reason I really like wolves as animals. They’re an image of independence, freedom, confidence. But at the same time they represent to me sort of loneliness and solitude. The term “lone wolf” exists for a reason and me being a rather strong introvert fits that description. Why black wolf? I always had a black wolf as an avatar way back. It was also a deliberate decision to make myself easier to draw and eventually make it easier to make “the suit” *wink wink*.

The Serious

I’m in general a somewhat serious person. It stems from my anxiety and general self-consciousness about what I do and how I appear. To some I might even seem like I’m boring, unfun or policing someone else’s fun. Don’t worry, I’m neither. I’m just really the typical introverted person and takes something that really catches my interest and a proper sense of security to open up. And when I do, I’m one hell of a book to read.

The Mentor

A trait that stems from my experiences with teaching and or coaching someone or just being the person that listens and tries to help and navigate you on your road in life. I’m no therapist and I always say to take my “mentoring” with a huge grain of salt and approach it critically. That said, if you’re interested I happen to leave a lasting impression, then I’m happy to help.

The Big Brother

A trait I never thought I’d get since I have no siblings by blood. But over the course of my life I got around some folks and we grown really close together. So close that our bond became family-like. And believe me, it’s one hell of an amazing ride. And it also ties into one more thing I connect with wolves, the pack and the family bond.

Roky, the joy incarnate, the motivator, the mender of soul

My first “alter-ego” (not in the DID sense), Roky, the fox. Initially created to be Rawen’s opposite; care-free, rowdy, wild. Over the course of time, this foxy developed into an embodiment of happiness and my lucky charm. Why fox? You know how people sometimes say foxes are hyperactive cats in dog’s bodies? Roky is pretty much that. Bright ball of contagious happy energy.

The Joy Incarnate

As mentioned earlier, Roky (back then he started with a name Rokhan; thank fuck I changed that) was created as an opposite to Rawen. Where Rawen is this serious, calm person, Roky is rowdy and light-hearted. It took a while before I started showing him around and always switched to him whenever I wanted to “raise the mood”. What made him my talisman however is the art you see above (it’s just a part of the full thing). I wanted the artist (and my friend/sibling) to make Roky into a jester/joker. And they came up with the art you see. The smile, the wink of his emerald eyes, the ringleader-like suit … I utterly fell in love with it (and believe me that the artist could write a book about how much I love the piece). And each and every time I see this piece, I can’t help but smile. Because Roky is smiling. And since he’s technically me, or who I want to and love to be … you get the idea. Roky is simply happiness and joy of life distilled into this fluffy and bright form.

The Motivator

Linked to his always happy nature, he also has a talent to motivate you to do anything you want. Doesn’t matter if it’s something simple, he’ll have your back. He also has this talent in “leading you out of your comfort zone”. I’ve drawn some personal pieces depicting that when I’ve been struggling and whoo boy did it help. And Rawi got some his sharper edges dulled, lowering his inner anger.

The Mender of Soul

What happens when you have someone to give you motivation to keep going on your hard days and they’re an avatar of happiness? They become someone who heals wounds done to your mind. And that’s one hidden power Roky has developed not just in regards to me. Allow me for a small picture:

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The world feels like it’s falling on you. You lay on your bed, eyes watery from the tears. “When will this end you ask yourself?” You hear a storm outside, gloomy, loud. Lost in your sorrow, you don’t notice a familiar face entering your room. He comes closer, sitting on your bed. “Sorry if I startled you. What’s wrong? Who hurt you?” The familiar face is none other than Roky, concerned seeing you so down. “I … I just can’t take this!”, you start sobbing, overwhelmed with grief. “Shhh, no worries. I’m here to protect you from those evil things in your head,” Roky says gently, wiping a tear from your eye. Feeling his soft touch, you can’t help but drop into his arms, crying all the sorrows out. “There, there. Let them all out. Let all the grief flow away with the tears. Even if I can’t heal all the wounds, right now, you’re safe.” You look up and see the magical emerald eyes, the comforting smile. You slowly lose yourself in the warm embrace. In this very moment, you’re safe.

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An image like this one is something I recommend imaging whenever you need someone to comfort you. Roky in this role is the ultimate safe space. The cosiest corner I can run into when everything feels like it’s falling apart.

Archie, the overgrown kid, the playfully curious

And finally we have this floof. Archie, the German Shepherd. This one has a rather simple origin story. I really really like German Shepherds since they’re this amazing balance of protectors and absolute goofs. And since it’s most likely going to be difficult for me to get one, I decided to make one of my own … and be one when I want to :p. As mentioned, he’s an embodiment of my inner child.

The Overgrown Kid

A pretty self-explanatory title, I made Archie to represent my inner child. Easily excited, super curious, a little hasty when doing stuff resulting in silly moments. But in general the happy ball of fluff just running through life. Why overgrown? Well, he’s me and I’m already way into my adulthood.

The Playfully Curious

Rolling with the “overgrown kid” theme is the trait I always had as a kid and it stays with me ‘til this day. When something really grabs my attention, I approach it with gleeful curiosity and love to playfully explore all the corners of the subject at hand. This proved quite useful during my studies and still does in my job since it involves a lot of “poking” into the code I work with. I just need to keep in mind to not break things too much.

So yeah, this is me through the fuzzy lens. A mixture of these three furballs, each covering part of my personality, being my role models or “mental refuges”.