In the maze of thoughts ... Being unkind makes everyone poorer
A quote originating from an experience described by the resident blue dhole Soatok here which honestly hits quite well in our social climate. Even more than “Being kind costs one nothing”, as he mentions in the same post. And when you think about it, he has a point. How? Well, let me take you through the maze of my brain, of course with Soatok’s permission ;3
Let me start the direct quote from Soatok’s post:
The first time I flew first class (which was due to the kindness of another technologist who wanted to help me land a job by flying me to DEFCON), the way the other passengers treated the flight attendants disgusted me so much that I felt guilty sharing space with them. I tried to be kind and respectful in spite of the jerks, but it never sat right with me.
A few months later, another friend pointed out to me, if I hadn't been there, they would have had to deal with yet another rude, dehumanizing customer. It helps a bit.
What catches your attention first? The fact that he got into a first class on a flight? Getting into a place of “privilege” or “royalty” sounds like a dream, right? And for quite a lot of people it would be. Then you read further and see the other side of the experience. The arrogance of others in the same space. The self-perceived supremacy of the “higher class” people. Our dhole friend here manages to preserve his integrity regardless of the general feel of the place and the mental scar he gets from the toxicity of the place. And it bears fruit. The employees that were present on said flight have had the experience made a little bit easier to handle just by this simple act of kindness. Just by one single person (or floof :P) treating them like a human beings and not just tools.
But how does the quote link to this? Well, my dear reader, tell me how do you imagine the “royalty” or “higher class” people? Do you look into the fairy tales too? The nobility, the presentation … everything looks so great and perfect. And then you face the reality like our friend here. Wouldn’t that align more with the poor? How they’re usually presented as barbarians? Barely functioning parasites robbing the “supreme” of their privileges? See what I wrote here? Did you shiver? I know I did and I’m going to need some decontamination after that.
And it’s weird too because part of being the “high society” is, you know, etiquette. You’re literally being taught how to behave so you’re presenting yourself properly. And I ask you, my dear reader, shouldn’t kindness be part of that presentation? Yes, you may be fortunate in achieving your status but of course you want to maintain that status. And since it’s difficult to do so alone, you will of course employ others to help you with your task. And here comes the most difficult test of your own status. Do you treat those who help you maintain your status kindly or like tools? Because it’s also indicative of how you’ll treat your peers. There’s a piece of advice that is given in relationships and I believe it applies here too:
If your date treats you nice but treats others like lesser beings, it’s only matter of time when they’ll treat you the same.
Makes sense, right? How long until that “royal friend” becomes “royal enemy”? And if you keep going, how long until your status inevitably falls apart? Your “friends” will start moving away, those who help you will do “just enough” or even quit outright. See? All this arrogance and self-perceived supremacy made you inferior and poorer in the end and took everyone align with you along. Maybe not in material sense but definitely in human sense for it eroded your identity, changing you into nothing more than an empty husk, shaped like a human being. And all that because you were unkind.
That’s why you should be kind to those providing you the service. Because by being kind you make them feel respected and give them sense of belonging, even if they’re in a position which could be regarded as “lower”. Because they’re not in a lower position. They’re in the same space as you and it’s thanks to them the space is what it is. Make them feel respected and you’ll get the respect you think you “deserve”. And you don’t even need to try hard if at all.
R.R.A.