Rawen's Musings

Pure, innocent, cherished, protected; but also painfully sincere, sometimes clumsy and savage. That’s basically kids in a nutshell. Carefree, unburdened by the social happenings, just living their lives as fully as they can. And we, the adults, look back at those times that felt simpler and joyful and we try to experience some of it while having our minds burdened by the requirements of life and doing the most to protect our little treasures and prepare them for their future.

And yet, in our goal of protecting our most precious, we often stumble horribly and even fail utterly miserably. And then we wonder why there is so much evil. Why are the little ones unhappy? Why do they rebel so much? What did we do wrong? It’s for their own good.

It’s for their own good.

This. This right here is the demon. The trickster that is leading you astray. The voice of fear, filling your mind with darkest thoughts. And we, in the our desire to rein them in, put forward “protections” which instead are chains. Chains that limit our ability to do proper actions. And worse, chains that bind the ones we aim to protect, narrowing their broad view, turning them into nothing more than an extension of our already narrow minds.

Now you may ask: “How dare you? Have you any idea what you’re saying? Look around you!”

Yes, my dear reader, I have a very clear idea. I look around myself and see a world of hate we raise. World of fear in which our most precious treasures have their dreams trampled over by the paranoid and angry. World in which happiness and joy are almost a crime because they’re viewed as naivety. We were thrown into a world of misery and for some reason our efforts to get out of this deadly spiral are seen as “immature” or “gullible”. Words said by the generation that made this miserable prison and is deathly terrified of being stuck in it all alone.

Ok, enough rambling from my end, although it is related to what I want to talk about. How? Because as I said at the start, children are pure and innocent. There is no bias ingrained into their minds because they couldn’t learn it. They pick these up from the environment, be it directly or indirectly. Furthermore, they can “feel the mood” of the situation or an idea. You could call it a form of instinct or a “sixth sense” if you want to.

Instinct, you say? Indeed, my dear reader. Let’s imagine a situation, say a meeting with friends. You’re having fun, everything feels good but there’s something in the back of your head. It’s this weird feeling that something is about happen. Something really bad which is going to completely sour the evening for you. And what do you know, it actually happens. It can be anything, a family member or a friend has an accident. Or the event goes massively sideways suddenly.

Did you listen to your instinct? My guess is you didn’t because tried to rationalise it away. But a kid most likely wouldn’t do that because they don’t know how and work more on their instincts. And they’d probably feel uncomfortable and would want you to listen to them. Would you? Most likely not until it’s too late. But I implore you, try it. There’s a reason your precious little treasure doesn’t feel right so let them speak their minds and listen in. For they might be noticing something you’re pushing away.

Sounds mildly terrifying, doesn’t it? What if I told you that kids also understand a mood of a argument whether it’s in a good faith or not? I have this lesson burnt into my brain since elementary school which is something along the lines of “Kids very much understand that something is not right in the family even at the age of 2 or 3 years. And that experience stays with them.” See where I’m going? If there’s a lot of conflict in a family and it’s not the good kinds of conflict, the kids know it and understand it even when you try to keep them away from it. Say you tell them to stay in their room and once they’re away, all hell breaks loose. You haven’t protected the kid from the bad thing at all. You only created an association of “Go to your room = fight”. And yes, kids understand this concept extremely early. It doesn’t matter that they don’t have the words to describe and there’s no way to rationalise it.

But this is a family setting. How about we go bigger? Sorry, US folks, that I’m going to take a bit of a shot your way but you' have a certain thing for presentation. I believe many have seen the picture of various officials and/or governors presenting policies aimed at kids and their “support” or “protection”. We’ve all seen the cheering crowds and the smiles of the “hardworking politicians” doing their best for their citizens. Now, remove all the posturing and fake smiles, and look at the kids in the picture. Are they cheering? Are they genuinely happy? Keep in mind that kids have harder time pretending joy.

So, what do you see? Do you see enthusiasm? Or is there apathy? Or worse, fear? Pay close attention when you see a picture of these events and take a good look at the kids’ faces. For they will likely be one of the best barometers whether the policy or idea is good.

“But they’re kids. They don’t know what they want. They don’t understand it’s for their own good.” My dear reader, how do you know what they want? Can you read their minds? If so, then why are we having this conversation in the first place? For their own good. Really? How do you know that? Did you ask them? Or is for YOUR good? So you can control their lives? Yes, you’re supposed to teach boundaries but that’s the keyword. Teach, not control.

So … next time you see kids not being comfortable despite no apparent danger, listen to them. Because thanks to their unbiased, or at least less biased, minds they can notice things your rational brain could miss.

R.R.A.