Rawi's bookworm ... The Body Keeps The Score
This one’s going to be a little unusual because I’m not really a big reader (but I’m trying to fix it) and I definitely do not possess the necessary expertise in the field the book is about. However, this is one of those rare times a book left a huge impact on my views; enlightening and absolutely terrifying at the same time. So, let’s get into it and let me share at least the glimpse of my experience.
Those who know a bit are aware that I have a small interest in psychology. Back in the day I used to say that it’s the one social science I respect. Yes, I know I was an arrogant tech-brained idiot. Here’s the tar, here’s the pile of feathers to throw me into afterwards. That said, the interest still lasts while the motivation changed to a genuine curiosity; spiced up with the small satisfaction of knowing your adversaries’ weapons >:3 With getting to know quite a few people with various bad and traumatic experiences, including my dearest, I’m motivated to get at least some level of understanding of their conditions so I can be the support they require. Luckily, I’ve heard about this book few times and its name stuck in my head so one day I finally decided to get it. And can I tell you, I was not ready for this ride.
“The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma” is a book written by US psychologist of Dutch descent, Bessel van der Kolk. The book describes how traumatic experiences shape our mind and how it impacts our lives and what can be done to heal from them and get back into our usual selves. I would split the book into 3 part. First describes various experiences in how the author worked with war veterans where his research began and how it was shaped. The second part then introduces you and explains how the trauma actually affects your brain; which parts process the experience and which instead shut down to in the interest of self-preservation. Finally, the last part focuses on various methods of healing from trauma and “putting the past into the past”.
Why the last quote? Because one could say that it is the running theme of dealing with trauma. The way the book describes traumatic experience is that it is a memory your mind cannot process rationally; mainly because the rational part wasn’t involved in the experience at all. To preserve your being, the more emotional and survival-focused parts take over and the thinking parts of your brain are literally turned off to conserve energy and dedicate more to survival. While this is a normal reposnse to danger, trauma has you effectively stuck in this mode and anything that even remotely reminds you of that experience triggers your survival mechanisms. The thing that stuck to my mind is the analogy that compares the trauma to a set of broken pieces that can’t be put together and then properly sorted, because trauma doesn’t follow the “concept of causality”. This “broken puzzle” then can’t be put together because the thinking brain has no idea how but the emotional brain isn’t capable of performing such complex task. Hence why people can’t heal from traumas themselves.
The book also pondered on why traumatised people tend to talk about the experience a lot and why, despite it being horrible, it doesn’t affect them but anything similar will send them into a horrifying breakdown. To me it explains why for example my SO tends to talk about their trust issues and they’re fine and even feel cathartic when they can “shout their frustration” out. But once they think about the idea of it happening again with someone else even though there aren’t even remote signs, their mind completely crumbles. Just the inability to find the “end” of the bad experience is so potent that it keeps gnawing on one’s soul. And all because the brain doesn’t know how because the image of the experience is broken; split into pieces that are seemingly random, unable to be properly processed. The explanation of various coping mechanisms of mind; dissociation, apathy, seeking dangers to feel alive and even worse …
The book is also rich with author’s experiences with people and how they were healed using different therapeutic methods. I lost count how many times an image of myself or my SO or my friends popped up in my mind when I was reading these. When I was reading the chapther about the method which creates and “internal family” of ones “identities” and assigns them roles of “protectors” or “managers” … my oh my, my friend-sibling was continuously on my mind. I’ve seen their multiple personalities (yup, they have DID), forming the “family” and taking their roles seriously yet not being able to properly cooperate. At the same time an idea of my SO popped into my head and an image started forming in my mind on how their internal family is built and helps them handle their fear and anxiety.
But what also left me completely baffled when reading the book? How little desire there is to heal the trauma. The complications the author and many of his colleagues faced and still face when it comes to properly implementing the methods, the rigid structure of science, dogmatically shunning away anything that’s not completely empirical (as if human mind is empirical, ffs). It’s heart-breaking. It’s depressing that instead of trying to heal ourselves from traumas we instead either ignore them or worse, celebrate them. Sometimes when I look around I can’t help but wonder: “Why? Why did we decide to voluntarily live in conditions worse than a prisoners in labour camps have? And why don’t we do anything about it?”
This book felt like a staring into a mirror; a mirror of my mind and past. A mirror of our entire society and its reverence of pain.
So, would I recommend it? Absolutely and whole-heartedly, whether you’re interested in psychology or have someone who’s suffering from trauma and trying to understand them more, this book has it. I dare to say it became one of my “personal bibles”. But I’m warning you, it may be a terrifying read.
R.R.A.