Self-Mentoring VII ... Positive mindset bears fruit
Something more positive this time around after the rather heavy stuff. We often stumble upon various motivational quotes and posts, lifting up the positive vibes and stuff like that. While I wouldn’t necessarily call them a form of toxic positivity since they don’t “push” that mindset down your throat, they’re not really effective either. Mainly because they’re just kind of placed in without a larger context which makes them fall flat. So, to not do that, I’m only going to pick two rather short quotes from my personal list and focus on these.
Be curious, not judgemental.
Don’t punish. Motivate.
Alright, let’s start with the first one. It essentially reads as “Be open-minded”. Especially when we face something that’s rather niche or unusual. Often times, after the initial “WTF”, our “Fight or Flight” kicks in and we act far more on our instincts. Now, I’m not talking about stumbling upon something nasty because then the “F/F” reaction is very much warranted. I’m focusing mainly on unusual events.
Using myself as an example, being seen in the suit would most likely be a “WTF” moment if you’re not familiar with the fandom in any way or mainly just by hearsay. You might be afraid, you might be like “Oh great, this freak.” But I urge you, conquer your fear and quiet your inner warrior. Because you’ll likely realise that there’s no harm and no ill intention. Just because you find something weird doesn’t mean it’s wrong or bad. And if you give a chance to learn a bit more, it may not change your preferences but at least give you understanding. If nothing else, it’ll at the very least drain some “bad juices” from your brain, cleaning it up a little.
Now, let’s dive into the other quote. This one comes from experience with my sports coach. He was a large proponent of the “positive motivation” approach, where instead of going “You’re doing ABC wrong. Do this instead.” he went with the “You’re on the right track with the ABC. Let’s focus on this now which will help you do it better.” This approach (which is also proven by people far far more educated in the field than I am) opens the brain for learning and make the process much easier because it creates an environment of safety. Environment where you know you won’t be judged if you do something wrong but you’ll be given a helping hand instead. The “punishing” environment does the exact opposite. It breeds and environment of anxiety which might bring the desired results but those results will be fickle. The learnt experience will not be enjoyable and will always have that traumatic undertone. With the positive approach to learning, the skills and experiences have a larger chance to stick and whenever recalled or reused, they’ll release the “good chemicals”, nudging you to try again because “what if it gets even better”.
Or maybe you get stuck at something. With negative mindset you’ll be like “I can’t do it. I’m not good enough”. And we all know where that leads, the downward spiral of self-loathing. But with a positive mindset, not only you’re motivated with “I can do this. I know I can.” but your natural ingenuity has an easier time to kick in: “Hmm, this isn’t working now. How about we try this instead?” See the difference? Instead of closing up your brain goes into a search mode, actively seeking the solution, poking the challenge from many directions. And if no solution is found, you’re not frustrated to a point of just trying to “ram” your head through, but you’re in a mindset where you can say “Ok, now is not the time. Let’s take a break, let the task ‘bubble’ for a while. I’ll get back to it later.” That later can be few minutes, hours maybe even days if you have that. And once you come back, new ideas might pop up. Or you may just really need the rest and with fresh energy you can tackle the issue more easily. What important however, is that you’re approaching the task with positive motivation. You’re coming at it thinking “I can do this. I got all the tools and I got the knowledge I need. And if there’s something missing, I can find it.” And sooner or later that mindset will bear its fruit. And the happiness from the achievement will be far stronger than the relief from the anxiety, if you were harsh on yourself or someone was harsh on you.
So, if you’re just learning something new, practicing something or even teaching someone else (I employed the same approach during my brief period of being a teacher), always approach with mindful positive mindset. Don’t punish for mistakes because your “student” doesn’t know any better. Instead, encourage exploration and curiosity. Answer all the questions to your best knowledge, no matter how trivial they seem. Remember:
Be curious, not judgemental. And don’t punish. Motivate.
Happy learning/teaching/exploring! :3
R.R.A.