Self-Mentoring XII ... Growth is great but chasing it for the sake of growth is draining

We all like to improve. We like to get promotions at work, getting better in games, getting better in sports … we like improvement in general and we someitmes go to great lengths to chase it. Improved tools, new trainings; all the things that make that sponge in our heads bubble with action and sometimes our muscles ache from all the gains. But is it all we should do? And how to do this in a healthy manner? How to, using the popular quote, “Check ourselves so we don’t wreck ourselves?” In today’s chapter I’m going to look on two thoughts that I keep close to myself regarding personal growth and improvement. Now, I’m not offering advice on how to grow, I’m not a life coach. My goal instead will be to look on things that could make the growth mindset actually do more harm than good and what to do to not step into that trap.

Comparison is a thief of joy. Inspiration on the other hand is a well of ideas.

”I’ll never be as good as ABC.”

“I can’t doing it like XYZ.”

If this is your mindset, you’re heading towards failing your goals. Why? Because your focus isn’t on your own improvement. We all like benchmarks, we like to have idols that give us inspiration. But here’s the key word; inspiration. It’s not comparison. One of the first things that I was taught during my rather short sports “career”, besides the positive feedback first idea, was “Do not compare yourself to others because it will stunt your progress.” And if you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Your brain focuses on the comparison as its goal, distracting your from your own progress. This not only creates more frustration but, since you’re not seeing your improvement, you can’t be happy about your steps towards the original goal.

Now you may ask, “So I should isolate myself from any charts, benchmarks and idols?” Not at all, my dear reader. The former serves as a tool to track your progress. To give an idea on how your path went and is going now. As for the latter, remember, inspiration is the key. Instead of looking at someone and thinking “I can’t do it like them”, shift your mindset towards something along the lines of “This looks interesting. Would it work for me? Can I try it? Can I adapt it to suit my goals?” Can you see/hear the change? Can you feel your brain starting up, working up all the possible solutions? Can you feel the ideas spreading like branches on a tree? Almost overwhelming, isn’t it? So many ideas and possibilites and they all feel good.

I can see you feeling nicely motivated right now. However, since we’re also on the topic of checking ourselves, there’s a bit I want to squeeze in when it comes to setting improvement goals and achieveing them:

If your goal is to keep improving, you’ll never succeed. Think of Achilles and the tortoise.

Wait, how does that make sense? And what does it have to do with Achilles? Why tortoise? Calm down, my dear reader, we’ll get to all of these in a moment. First things first, goal setting. We’re probably quite familiar with the S.M.A.R.T. goals methodology:

Now, when you say you want to keep improving, let’s try and match it all of these conditions.

Is it specific? Not really

Is it measurable? What do you measure? And how?

Is it achievable? Maybe but how exactly?

Is it relevant? Relevant to what?

Is it time-bound? Considering how vague it is, how do you specify a timeline for it?

See the issue? No way we could apply the conditions here. And we can’t really do this, how can we improve when we have no clear idea how to? Yet so many people tend to do this and then get frustrated that there’s no change. And the main issue is there’s no goal in the first place. They’re just aimlessly going somewhere and maybe reaching their desired destination.

Now to the second part of that quite which relates to the S.M.A.R.T. conditions quite a bit. It’s an analogy which I first heard in Maths, mathematical analysis specifically, when I was learning about limits. Take Achilles, yes, that Achilles and put him next to tortoise. They’re going to race against each other. Now, you’re probably thinking “What? How is that a race?”. But let’s give the tortoise a head start. After a certain time period, Achilles starts catching up. After some time, Achilles cuts the distance to the tortoise ahead in half while tortoise advances a bit. After some more time, Achilles cuts the distance in half again while the tortoise advances a bit more. And again, and again, and again …

See where I’m going? Each and every time there’s a progress on Achilles’ side but each and every time the tortoise moves away slightly. The distance between them keeps shrinking but they never reach each other. Or at least not in finite space.

How does this relate to growth and improvement? Let’s apply S.M.A.R.T.

Here we have two conditions that are contested. Achievability, because while we can achieve the event of catching up, it keeps moving away. In fact, we keep moving it forward because improvement isn’t static. And we have to keep moving the goalpost to keep improving. Second condtition is the time because when do we stop? And if we stop, are we improving? Or did we get stuck? The reason we have time-bound goals is also related to measurability. The time frames give us milestones, checkpoints.

So here we go. My small insight into how to handle improving your skills or growing as a person in a way that makes it more enjoyable and hopefully less frustrating and anxiety inducing. To sium it up, focus on yourself instead of looking at others (remember, you’re the only person you actually want to impress), take inspiration when desired and set your goals with the idea of improvement being a cool side-effect instead of the main subject.

R.R.A.