Rawen's Musings

80 years ago, a large conflict has ended. A conflict larger than the “war to end all wars” (how did that work out for you, huh?). 80 years later, I'm sitting here, writing these lines ... bitter and full of rage. Why? Well, let me tell you a story.

Yay, It’s been a while since I set something on fire. And if you were around for at least the last day you probably know where I’m going with this. So, sit down, kiddos. This grumpy grandpa woof has a little story to tell.

Oh dear, this is going to be topic to delve into. Especially from a perspective of someone with my background; both personal and historical. But the discussion about this is inevitable and I have some insights and even some related personal progression on the idea. So let’s explore.

Time for another slightly nostalgic gaming adventure from the woof. This time partly fuelled by EA’s act of open-sourcing some of the Command and Conquer titles. Yes, EA has some bright moments from time to time. That doesn’t mean I’ll forgive them for murdering Westwood >:3 With the micro-rant away, let’s dive into a game from the mentioned series which was my gateway into RTS and part of my childhood, Tiberian Sun.

I can’t really remember when I stumbled upon the demo of the game but for some reason it immediately stuck with me. I spent quite a lot of time in the demo just toying with it and eventually managed to get one of the campaigns, namely the GDI one (the good side in the story). Yes, I didn’t get it the “right way” but in 90’s this scene was a bit of a wild west in my country. It took months before I managed to get the second disc with the Brotherhood of Nod campaign. How much this game influenced my childhood? You’d have to ask my parents for that one :P Anyway, I spent a lot of time in game, playing it back and forth. I even got the Firestorm expansion later but only managed to properly play through that one now.

And I’m about to take you on this journey in multiple parts. I wasn’t challenging myself with high difficulty but I also tried playing every single mission, including optionals that I normal don’t play. I’ll split the story into four parts, one for each campaign, starting with GDI: Evolutionary Response.

Sounds weird, doesn’t it. Or maybe it doesn’t sound weird at all and you’re completely familiar with the feeling. It’s the best way I could describe how I feel about the place I come from, live in and will probably expire unless a miracle happens. But it is what it is. Want to know more? Well, feel free to take a peek into this woof’s mind yet again.

Because living in such world is depressing. Done, end of story. Did I scare you? Of course not. You’re probably aware what I’m going to poke at. In case you need a reminder, a certain, highly unpleasant and completely incompetent excuse for existence said something along the lines of “Empathy is humanity’s weakness”. Now, I urge you to resist turning your desk into a pile of splinters or punching a hole through the wall next to you. Instead, let’s dissect this usually male (no, not manly) thing of supressing or downright rejecting empathy or emotions in general.

Whew, took me a while to get back into the writing. Been a bit creatively busy with my other artistic venue. Anyway, this post from Soatok got me inspired and while I already answered there, I think the idea deserves a bit more than a small reply. So, let’s dive in.

Lately I’ve managed to catch up with some folks I haven’t talked to for quite some time. In some cases months or even more than a year. This experience reminded me a little bit of the time when there was quite a lot of people around, even if it was just in the virtual space. Over the years however, things happened and we’ve drifted apart. Letting go of the place that held us together also created a bit of an empty space. However, now the same folks are slowly showing up again. And I look back and see all the bridges which were built before; barely holding. Yes, there are some not-so-great individuals which I’m happy to have distance from but many were, one could say, caught in the crossfire. Which raises the question: Should the bridges be mended?

While the mood from the con is slowly fading, taking me back to the everyday reality, the events of last week gave me an idea to talk about. A little personal one, hence the title. Because I kind of went out of my way with my con experience, especially when I look at my past self. And a thought occured to my mind: “What if I visited my younger self, showing them who I am now and who will they become? How surprised would my younger me be?” Curious? Well, let’s dive in.

Yes, you probably get the idea what this one is going to be about. Those who are following me in my small social corner are very much aware of what I was doing in the past days. Long story short, after almost decade of just tip-toeing around, followed by the “COVID made me a furry” phase, slightly disillusioned yet reinvigorated later … I have, at last, scored my first ever furcon in my life. Namely the one and only Nordic FuzzCon, happening in Swedish coastal town of Malmö. So, what was it like? My dear reader … words alone cannot describe the experience. Even though I’ll add some accompanying images I managed to capture myself over the course of the con, won’t do it justice. So yeah, I’m here right now, doing this mildly futile writing exercise. And I’m doing it anyway because I can >:3

So, I invite you to join the ride and experience at least small glimpses of this interweb woof/foxxo/sheppy’s experience :3