Pure, innocent, cherished, protected; but also painfully sincere, sometimes clumsy and savage. That’s basically kids in a nutshell. Carefree, unburdened by the social happenings, just living their lives as fully as they can. And we, the adults, look back at those times that felt simpler and joyful and we try to experience some of it while having our minds burdened by the requirements of life and doing the most to protect our little treasures and prepare them for their future.
And yet, in our goal of protecting our most precious, we often stumble horribly and even fail utterly miserably. And then we wonder why there is so much evil. Why are the little ones unhappy? Why do they rebel so much? What did we do wrong? It’s for their own good.
We all like to improve. We like to get promotions at work, getting better in games, getting better in sports … we like improvement in general and we someitmes go to great lengths to chase it. Improved tools, new trainings; all the things that make that sponge in our heads bubble with action and sometimes our muscles ache from all the gains. But is it all we should do? And how to do this in a healthy manner? How to, using the popular quote, “Check ourselves so we don’t wreck ourselves?” In today’s chapter I’m going to look on two thoughts that I keep close to myself regarding personal growth and improvement. Now, I’m not offering advice on how to grow, I’m not a life coach. My goal instead will be to look on things that could make the growth mindset actually do more harm than good and what to do to not step into that trap.
I must not fear. Fear is a mind-killer. Fear is a little death that brings total obliteration …
By borrowing the inital verses of Litany Against Fear, known these days mostly through the Dune franchise, we’ll take a peek into today’s perception of fear and how it makes people do really bad decision in long-term. And also how it’s extremely weaponised by the manipulative and/or hopelessly naive.
Been a little ranty lately so let’s dive into something calmer for a change. And as you can probably guess from the headline, it’s going to be a bit more personal (yay, you get “rewarded” with having my brain picked). Some of it will also relate to my relatively recent post about the myths about autists and you might find out that I can relate to some of their struggles despite not being diagnosed as one. Hence why I’m learning to answer “I can’t say for certain.” when anyone asks me if I’m autistic. So, here’s my brain on the table. Let’s poke it.
Something that’s been grinding my gears from time to time and now I have the space to let it out. This could also fit into the self-mentoring series but there isn’t really any “mentoring” part.
Ever heard someone being called gifted? Have you been called gifted yourself? Maybe you’re great with art or sports. Or you’re really smart when it comes to certain field so you start delving into science. Me personally, I’m quite a quick learner and despite my already “advanced age“ (yes, I’m joking about being old despite being just above level 30), I can still pick up a skill and get into to it quite easily or gain knowledge with little effort. Would that put me into a “gifted” category? It probably did when I was a kid. Are all these beneficial? From practical standpoint, sure. From mental standpoint however, that’s a bit of a different story.
Oh dear, I’m already at ten of these “drops of wisdom” (take with a train load of salt). And with this one, I’m about to do another kick into a hornet’s nest. Why? I dunno, probably because I’m a fan of weird kind of self-flagellation (don’t take this out of context >:3). But this one’s probably going to be short because the idea is rather quick to grasp.
Absolute freedom is impossible. Because for freedom to be truly absolute, you must allow for someone else’s freedom to be taken away.
We all have seen some really cool sci-fi movies or series and/or played sci-fi themed games. And in all of them we have these cool gadget with voice controls, various panels of vehicles with super responsive touch screens or holographic interfaces that you can pretty much “carry around”. Like, remember first Avatar movie where one of the main characters LITERALLY grabs a file and puts it into their tablet? Cool as hell. Or Tony in Iron Man 2 where he “disassembles” the expo model to find the proper element for his mini arc reactor? Amazing spectacle to watch.
I bet some of you were thinking “how amazing would that be in real life”? To have, for example, an interface for designing where you project your model into real space and be able to toy with it? Or have a computer screens floating around and you could move them anywhere you wanted. Sure, you can do both in VR these days but it’d be better without having to wear specialised glasses, right?
Oh dear, this is something we see every day. Every single day we see and hear people screaming “My freedom is being attacked! I’m oppressed!” Now, there’s of course a significant group of people that is in fact having their freedoms under scrutiny, be it racial minorities, sexual minorities etc. And no, just because they’re not being lynched doesn’t mean everything is fine. It’s not fine at all and if you try engaging in some genuine perspective taking, you’ll start taking off your rose-tinted glasses. Why am I saying this? Because this text isn’t aimed at these people and calling them out for “whining'“. Not at all. The post I’m writing here is very much aimed at people who start screaming “My freedoms!” whenever they get called out at their miserable behaviour. They know they’re doing something bad and they got spotted. Well, my dear, “free-dumbs” (I’d use harsher language but … let’s keep, how we’d call it back then, some “institutional culture”), take a comfy seat, grab your favourite snack and listen. For I’m about to show you how you’ve become your greatest tyrant and how to get out (gosh, I’m getting reminded of the first post in this series).
Reward for selfishness is loneliness
Reward for arrogance is foolishness
Reward for greed is emptiness
We live in an era in which grabbing some form of attention, be it positive or negative. And more often than not the people that are seen the most are rather unsavoury. Yet despite their sometimes utterly henious traits, they gain worryingly larrge following which easily ignores all their faults. But what’s their end-game? What do they want? They want “more”; more people in their cult, fuel for their egos, more things to demonstrate their self-perceived superiority. But what these people don’t realise or willingly ignore is the hidden cost. They feel exceptional, invincible. Until the inevitable comes and then what? Who will help you?
Reward for selfishness is loneliness
Who will help someone who thinks only about themselves? Why would anyone risk their well-being for someone who doesn’t care?
Reward for arrogance is foolishness
Why should you need help if you’re so great? How come you’re not capable at delivering your promises despite your miraculous claims?
Reward for greed is emptiness
Who are you trying to impress with all this stuff? What do you have to offer as a person? Who are you?
I may be giving furs quite a bit of scorn but there’s definitely something amazing the fandom got me. It connected me to autistic people. And let me tell, while some can make your brain twist in unusual ways, often times poking corners of curiosity you’d never touch, they count among the absolute best people I’ve ever met. No coincidence that my dear SO is autistic and so is my best friend-sibling. Because thanks to them, I’ve grown up in ways I never thought I can. Thanks to them, I realised I’m not made of stone. Thanks to them, I matured.
And yet there are still myths and at best half-truths circulating among people, making autists look weird, “lesser” etc. And I’m about to say “Fuck this shit. Let’s tear these down.” Yes, I’m about to go through twelve myths about autism (prompted by a Mastodon post I stumbled upon), how I feel them and why they’re imo myths.
Disclaimer; I’m no psychologist and all I’m saying here is merely based on my experiences and observations